Posted in Daily Diary

{this is my life}

It’s non-stop stress, no time to take a breath, use the bathroom, put nutrients in my body.

It’s go-go-go and do-do-do for everyone but myself.

It’s slowly killing me and it needs to stop. I need a release, or some outside support to change this pattern.

This was once acceptable, but I cannot allow it to be any longer.

This is the beginning of MY TIME. MY LIFE. MY PRESENT AND FUTURE.

Posted in Daily Diary

My Physical/Mental Health > My Job

Or is it?! Lately it doesn’t seem to be. I’ve neglected my physical health, and I have been so busy that my mental health is nowhere near the top of my list of priorities.

I printed off my time card from last week and I have 23.5 hours of overtime. That means I worked 63.5 hours last week. Which is insane. I have taken on so much at this company since I started in December. And I have enjoyed it very much, all the responsibility has made me feel so confident in myself and my ability. However, it seems like a lot of my coworkers are taking advantage of my hard work and dedication.

It’s almost as if that now they know how hard I am willing to work, and the massive amount of things I’m open to taking on, they expect this and so much more from me. And it is slowly killing me. It has become quite evident now due to my physical health taking a decline. I have lost so much weight in the last few months, that I actually look ill. The way that my mother looks at me, it’s a look of concern. And that concerns me.

I am trying so hard to make myself, my family, all of the things in my personal life more of a priority. Because the workload is never going to lighten. Once we hit the slow season, I had hope that I wouldn’t have to put in so many hours. But now there is a massive list of things that I need to work on during the slow season.

I really hope that I can get a handle on my personal life. I definitely need to make a priority, a priority for myself, my cute new little home, and my loving family of fur babies. I’ll get there… hopefully sooner rather than later. I am killing myself for this company… and so many people have tried to remind me that they will replace me in a second. The thing with that is, they will never find someone who will bust their butt the way that I do.

For the last, hmmm… let’s say eight months, I have been dealing with three main individuals whom consistently and habitually jump to conclusions regarding my own personal thoughts and feelings. I am begging someone to teach me how to read someone’s mind… because that is definitely one skill I have never mastered. These particular people don’t just jump to the most obvious conclusion either. They assume that when they can’t see what I am doing, hear what I am saying, or any possible unknown factor is involved that I am the most horrible person in the world. Now, I have always strived to be the most honest, open, humble, simple, and straightforward person I am able to be. But for some reason, these three individuals whom have known me for a majority of my life believe me to be none of those things.

I am so tired of being second-guessed and doubted. When I kept to myself I had no one else to answer to. I only had to worry about myself, my dog, and my cat. Everytime I tell one of these people that I missed their call because I was sleeping, or maybe in the shower… normal everyday things… they somehow think I set fire to their house, killed one of their family members, or am having them arrested (obviously these are completely off the wall scenarios and these are not the specific things they really think… but they are just as exaggerated).

Overanalyzed Assumptions