Even though I am having trouble writing all of my deepest, darkest secrets out… I’ve got it in progress. It’s so much more that I would have ever thought to start writing. But at the same time it’s therapeutic. I know in my heart that this is something I need to do, for myself.
I decided to take a break from it though. Reliving the past is something more difficult than I would have imagined. It’s something so shameful to me. And until recently I didn’t truly realize how much shame and guilt I carry around for the things I have done. But I will be candid here and just say…
I am a recovering addict.
That’s something I never would have dreamed in a million years that I would have to claim, or have to live with for the rest of my life. I come from a good family, had a great childhood, was successful, and driven, and had so much going for me. Even still, it happened. And it’s something that I have to deal with. Something that I am currently dealing with.
I know now deep in my soul that everything happens for a reason. I needed to go through what I went through in order to come out the other side as this new, enlightened person. There is no way that I would have been lead to the things and realizations that I am currently met with if I had not become an addict.
I’ve heard many people that know me personally say things like “I want the old Kali back”… and you know what?! The old Kali is dead and gone. The addict Kali has disappeared as well. And I don’t want either one back. Because this new Kali, she is the best version of me that I can and ever will be. I plan to continue building upon this new version of me because we can never stop learning how to be better. When we stop growing… we stop breathing. So until the day I die, I will continue to develop this new person that I am.
This is truly a new chapter. Screw that. This is a completely new book. Let’s throw the last one in the burn barrel and never look back.