A lot has happened since my last entry. Some things that I’m proud of, some things I’m not so proud of. It might take me some time to start divulging some of that information because only Lord knows who is actually reading this.
I walked myself into a careless situation which caused a severe loss of freedom. I don’t even know how to describe the things that I was forced into experiencing. I’ve never felt the way that I did the last month of my life. Yet, so many beautiful things were formed from this experience. It sounds so damn cheesy to say it, but I literally got a new lease on life. So much of this world is ugly and painful… but beautiful things come from the brokenness that we live through.
I’m going to just write some bologna that hints about what I’ve been dealing with. I think it’ll be easier that way.
Loneliness set in
the pain immense
trying to breathe
underwater
It’s all natural
living like this
for so long
drowning
Too much energy
to change
the circumstances
the routine
Continuing to circle
the drain
swirling water carrying me
rapidly
Can’t grab hold
on my own
too proud to ask
HELP
Nothing can be done
not without me
stubborn comfortable
false safety
What’s next?
death or near it
it’s all my choice and
habit
Takes a whirlwind
of situations to
force us out of
comfort
xoxo
Curly Kali Sue
11/25/2020
